party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i was born a porn star she said
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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