Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
