Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
