I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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