The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize