weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
