You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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