remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize