Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
