Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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