Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
