i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
