What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
