we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize