Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
