i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
