i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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