No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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