dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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