so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
