May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
