I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
