my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
