I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
