You just made me feel so damn special
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
