he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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