I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
