you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize