Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I could fuck to npr.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
