Your face is a jimmy john
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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