my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
