you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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