dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's just like the Real World with babies
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
