I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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