She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize