Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
