I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
