I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
