from now on my penis is your penis
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
