You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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