So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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