We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
