I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm passing your future prison.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can't turn off my feet"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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