i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
