shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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