I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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