Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize