I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it's like iHOP with fire
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
