Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
