i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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