Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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