I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
