Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
