I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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