upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
