we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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