i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
