ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
