Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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