mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize