Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
