So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
