I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
