I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
