there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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