I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i think im in europe. pls send help
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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