sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
