I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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