So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
