even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize