and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize