You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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