i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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