You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
