He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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