I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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