somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
