she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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