If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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