she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
