She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
